One of the Bad Ones

Why are all the good days followed by bad ones? ... seriously it seems like I have one good day followed by one bad day (excluding this past weekend, those were all good days). Today is a bad, bad day. I got up for boot camp and when I was getting ready I almost threw up.... so I went back to bed. I was up almost every hour last night ... I guess I have good intuition because the rest of the day I have had that same knot in my stomach and the urge to vomit... Kenny worked from the office today. I haven't talked to him in 5 days until this morning when he came over to my cubicle to say, "hi". I was really surprised to see him and even more surprised that he came over to chit chat like nothing was wrong... I couldn't say much. He asked about the weekend with Kenny Kruger and said it looked like we had a blast... I just shook my head like a dummy. I am not sure he knows I deleted him from FB yesterday. He seemed sad and uncomfortable talking to me. He made sure it was still okay that he get his stuff out of the house tomorrow. When he walked away I cried. Then I was mad I cried because I had a meeting to attend 8 minutes later! I had to pass Kenny's desk on the way to the meeting, but Bev walked with me and talked and talked trying to distract me... it didn't work. Who knew all that would be SO hard? In the beginning of the mandatory harassment prevention meeting it was all I could do not to burst into tears. After the meeting I passed by his desk again... I didn't say hi I just walked as fast as I could away.

I ran errands at lunch and nothing sounded good to eat.... my stomach was just turning. We both had to attend the mandatory meeting at 1 PM. It was weird being in the meeting, see him there... 6 feet away. Things are so different now.... The meeting was LONG (90 mins) and took its tole on me... We were finally released and I went back to my desk. I realized I had made a mistake on two files and had to track them down... ugh its so hard to concentrate on work! 

On my way home from work I cried and cried and cried. It was ridiculous. I am so tired of crying everyday and missing everyone (my dad, my grandparents, now my husband and always my cousin Kenny).

Jereme text me and asked if I wanted to go to game night with him, Mel and some of their friends. He said he could tell today was a particularly bad day for me. My cousin texted me too, just checking in on me making sure everything was okay. I had tried to leave him out of my drama for the day. He told me to text him or call him any time I wanted, but I know he sleeps during the day and I always didn't want to burden him with all my boohooing everyday. He told me twice I would never bother him and to text him any time. : ) 

I had my brother, Shannon and the boys over for Tacos (even though what I really wanted to do was just let myself listen to sad music and cry all evening). It was nice to have them over. Little Brian asked where Uncle Kenny was. I finally told him that Uncle Kenny was not going to live here anymore and he was getting his own apartment. He asked why and I gave him the simplest answer I could, 'Because he doesn't want to live here anymore with me." Little Brian said, "Oh." He was pretty sad about it, but didn't ask anything else. I was told to only answer their questions and no more so I left it alone.